Eric Nicholas


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Just what is a Touched Monkey?

Glad you asked! Well, there are many opinions about this and more than a few basic definitions but for our purposes here these will work:

Touched - Meaning, well "touched"! Mentally off by just a little bit in a harmless, refreshing way.

Monkey - Meaning someone who is capable of extreme unpredictability and complete nonsense.

  1. An obscure reference to the movie 2001 is which a group of primitive cave men - or monkeys - are sitting around doing monkey stuff (don't ask) until the mysterious black monolith shows up and disturbs them with its "humming" sound. One brave "monkey" touches the monolith and is suddenly given "it" - the "insight" - becomes self aware, becomes the first "Touched Monkey" as it were. Of course this first Touched Monkey (now primitive Man) does the first natural, insightful thing - it kills another monkey and takes its stuff. This, however, is a good thing as it represents thought and an awareness of surrounding circumstances that was not present before. It leads to leadership, motivation, purpose, and in due time - Brittany Spears.

    There is also the famous Michaelangelo Sistine Chapel painting "Creation Of Adam" showing man reaching out trying to touch the hand of God - their fingers almost touching. Although in this painting the "monkey" is not yet touched. Mikey should have seen the movie I guess - but I digress...

  2. Touched Monkey - n./adj. :A person who is so unusual or one who acts in an unusual way so as to only be described as a "Touched Monkey". i.e. "Man, look at that freak! - He is ONE touched monkey". A good thing - one that is amusing and refreshing.

  3. We at Touched Monkey are certain that some readers will be convinced that we have had a jolly good time constantly touching our own monkeys and in doing so have created the ultimate waste-of-time, self indulgent, masturbatory web site. So be it.

What you can expect from

You can expect conservative social commentary and insight with a bent toward the absurd. With strong opinions, razor sharp wit and outright, unabashed, drooling, and face twitching stupidity we hope the content listed in these pages will make you smirk, laugh, confused, pissed off, think, and perhaps even cheer. If not let us know - we love to hear anything about us!

As we are not prudes, you can expect some profanity here and there - but our use of profanity will never be gratuitous. Profanity will only be present when we feel it is necessary, warranted, and used to make a point as part of a written piece. If you are one of those who believes that profanity is never necessary and warranted then you have obviously never hit yourself on the thumb with a hammer and TM may not be for you - as we will almost certainly offend. But understand this: It is a proven scientific fact that lawn mowers, cars, toilets and other machines and household appliances need to be spoken to in a certain profane way to feel good about themselves and do their job correctly - they just do. In short: Words are used to express ideas. Some ideas are profane. Words will be used to express profane ideas. Sometimes. And sometimes it's just plain necessary. I mean, how many times can you say "I'm going into the bathroom to take a Clinton" anyway?

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